Attention Catholic Priests: RE: CONFESSION IMPROVEMENTS

Attention Catholic priests: RE CONFESSION IMPROVEMENTS

Yesterday I went to the Sacrament of Confession. I have a few recommendations for Catholic priests who would like to improve their delivery of this important church service.

1. Make going to Confession less like going to DMV.
I hate going to the DMV. I stand in long lines. I try not to stare at people who are also trying not to stare. I have to rearrange my schedule to go to the DMV. Sometimes I go to the DMV and the window closes before I can get what I need. I really hate it when that happens.

I really hate going to confession. I stand in long lines. I try not to stare at people who are also trying not to stare. I have to rearrange my schedule to go to confession. Sometimes I go to confession and the priest walks out of the confessional before I get a chance to use it. I really hate it when that happens.

I go to church on Sunday every week. How about having Confessional services on a day that I'm already at church? Saturdays are extremely busy for me. I have a family. The kids schedule gets pretty tight on Saturday. 4 o'clock is a really bad time, too. How about making confession more convenient to the end user?

Recommendation: Offer confessional services on Sunday before, during and after Mass. I understand that a previous version of Confession was offered during these times before I was born and that the new version is supposed to be a much-improved upgrade. Few Catholics however have adopted the new version. Hello? Get into the box more often, man during times when I’m already there.

2. When confessional time is only 30 minutes, speed it up.
You must be really busy to offer confessional services for only 30 minutes every week. We're really busy too. We can't afford to burn an hour or two on a precious Saturday just to stand in line and go home unconfessed. Talk about getting spiritually backed up!

Recommendation: Speed up confession. You see the line of 20 people when you get to the confessional. So why spend 15 minutes with the little old lady who was first in line and who can barely walk across the room? Come on! What's with the 10 minutes with the 9-year-old girl? Triage those old folks and little kids and spend time with those of us who get out more often. And get that other collar who's watching the game in the rectory or who's glad handing in the nave on deck and in the confessional and move that line!

No, I’m not going to let you weenie out by saying that anyone can make an appointment with you to confess during the week. I’ve tried that. It’s a cop out because between your busy schedule and mine there isn’t any time to get it done.

3. When you hear serious offenses in the box, make the penance medicinal.
If I just shared with you something serious, don't tell me to give myself a hug and fart rainbows everyday for a week. When your penances have no relationship to my offenses it makes me think your not listening to me or taking me seriously.

Recommendation: Be less gay in the box. You know what I mean.

There you have my observations and recommendations for making confession more end user friendly.